Points of Order: Ginsu v. the Spread (Week 2)

I went 9-7 last week. Here are my picks for Week 2 (home team in CAPS):

PANTHERS (-6.5) over Texans-- I typed up a blurb about taking the home team underdog and the points. And then I realized that Carolina was the home team. Oops.

Bengals (-6.5) over BROWNS-- I typed up a blurb about taking the home team underdog and the points. And then I woke up.

Falcons (+10.5) over JAGUARS-- I don't give a shit where they play this game. It could be in the lobby of PETA headquarters and the line's still too high.

Packers (-3.5) over GIANTS-- Have you heard? The Giants' quarterback is faaaaaaaat...

Bills (+9.5) over STEELERS-- I believe in miracles. If Kevin Everett's prognosis could make a 180, if the Bills could cover against the Broncos last week, then they can cover against the Steelers, in the Ketchup Bottle.

RAMS (-3.5) over 49ers-- Because lightning can't strike twice. Even if Orlando Pace is done for the year.

Saints (-3.5) over BUCCANEERS-- Because Jeff Garcia and Carnell Williams are not Peyton Manning and Joseph Addai.

Colts (-7.5) over TITANS-- Normally, I'd like VY to cover this wide spread, but would you pick against the Madden Curse?

Seahawks (-2.5) over CARDINALS-- Because if the Cards couldn't beat the Niners...

Vikings (+3.5) over LIONS

Cowboys (-3.5) over DOLPHINS-- The Cowboys will have more trouble with traffic than they will with the Dolphins.

RAVENS (-7.5) over Jets-- The line isn't high enough for this game.

BEARS (-12.5) over Chiefs-- I can't wait to hear the freestyle rap about this one.

Raiders (+9.5) over BRONCOS-- I dunno, Oakland actually looked like something vaguely resembling a football team last week.

Chargers (+3.5) over PATRIOTS-- Not only do I have the Chargers with the points, I have them in another ESPN Pick 'em pool outright, as well as a money pool.

IGGLES (-6.5) over Redskins-- If the Philly does win, they may have to declare martial law in my hometown.